Cruisin'

Most times when Mr. Postman drops a box on your doorstep it's all good. But, the box that landed here this week was a good/bad kinda package. He had dropped off a big box o' worms and guess who had to go and stick his nose into it?

Yep, you guessed it! I just can't seem to keep

my Big Brown nose outta trouble.

It smelled awful good so I continued with the unveilin'.

GULP!

Little did I know, but my friend Zoe Anne had tossed 

a love gift in my direction. She says she's

"just a friend" but she's got me wonderin'

with that "cut down to there" red hot dress she's wearin'.

Red dress aside, she sure knows how to

get this dawg's attention. Chicken broth and bacon

biscuits had rivers of drool flowin', and the heart shaped

stuffie spoke volumes. Last but not least a

cowhide covered Wubba. The other dawgs are gonna be so jealous

when they see that bein' tossed in the creek this summer.

Then all of a sudden it  hit me; what's Ms. Truffles

gonna say about all of this???

Bein' Valentine's Day, I did what any self-respectin'

Labrador who's about to take a swim in hot water would do:

I booked a cruise for two on the

Gravy Boat Cruiselines.

Soakin' up some rays by day...........

.......and soakin' in some bubblies at night.

I surprised Fudgie with this bottle of expensive French wine.

All said, it was money well spent. She understands that I am

a loyal and faithful dawg and she has nuthin' to fear about Zoe Anne.

In fact, I think they're gonna go shoppin' together at the mall soon.

(I hope she persuades Fudgie to buy one of them sexy red dresses!!!)

Oh, one more thing ~ I have a feelin' that the

consequences of buyin' Fudgie this bouquet of bacon roses

are gonna be smelt felt for a very long time.

Now as we cruise into the Valentine's Day weekend

I gotta piece of advice for ya:

Treat that special someone like "Top Dawg" and you won't regret it.

Chester

♥

Widescreen Wednesday Matinee

I'm Caught in a Trap

From what I hear, ever since the beginning of creation, men have been gettin' themselves into a whole heapin' mess of trouble as soon as a woman shows up. Knowing this does not necessarily make me feel any better. I've had my share of troubles in my short three years on this earth and have always been able to worm myself outta them. This time is different. I am truly clueless as to how I'm gonna get myself out of this mess. Yep, I got woman troubles. It doesn't matter what I'm doin' my thoughts will suddenly stray to the predicament I find myself in.

I need help and I need it now. This problem is way bigger than what the Dog Whisperer can handle. So who ya gonna call when you are havin' relationship problems? I dialed the number for Jerry Springer and explained to the receptionist that I am a dog bein' hounded by 2 lovely bitches. She patched me straight through to the big dog himself.

Jerry: So, Chester Hoover - I hear you've got a relationship problem and you'd like my help. My receptionist tells me that you are engaged to Truffles who lives several states away but now Godiva who lives only an hour away has started chasing you.

Chester: That's correct Jerry, and they are both drop dead gorgeous. And you wouldn't believe all the loot they've been showerin' me with. The package that came last week made me realize just how serious Godiva is about wantin' me for her very own.

Jerry: So you've taken gifts from both of them? This makes it more interesting. I think we might have something here. Do you think the girls would be willing to discuss this in front of a viewing audience? Do you think they would maybe do a little catfighting if pushed? Of course we'd have to go over all the legal stuff and have you all sign papers saying you are willing to talk about this on TV.

Chester: Their parents would more than likely sign for them, I think. As to the catfightin', it would be more like a dogfight and we all know that's illegal.

Jerry: Chester, are you sayin' these girls are underage? We cannot do shows with minors. These girls have to be 18 or over.

Chester: Good grief! We're dogs Jerry and unfortunately we'll more than likely all be dead by the time we're 18. We gotta get this settled now while we're still in our prime. Truffles and I are both 3 and Godiva is a very young 8.

Jerry: Seriously? You're a dog? Chester, this show is for humans. You dogs are much smarter than 2 leggers, you don't need my help to figure out this love triangle. Goodbye Chester-and good luck.

CLICK.

Thanks for nothin' Jerry. It looks like I am on my own with this one. Maybe if I weigh out the pros and cons of each it will help me think much clearer.

Ms. Godiva


GODIVA - PRO's
PRO #1. Bein' a little older, she is more established and would probably be able to make me a kept dog if I so desired. Just look at the loot package she sent me last week that I must admit has veered my attention away from my Vermont vixen.



My load of loot included several bags of dog munchies, bully sticks in all shapes and sizes, a duck stuffie, and a bright red devil stuffie which I must admit scared me just as much as Truffles mention of rusty scissors in her toy box. There was also a huge Wubba made exclusively for water use, a mouse pad and coffee mug set with a chocolate lab on that Mom confiscated for her own personal use before I had a chance to get my paws on it, and 3 good smelling shampoos. Not only was there all this, there was also a personalized groundhog card and letter from Ms. Godiva cleverly hidden inside a Godiva chocolate box. I won't disclose all of the letter but let me just say she thinks I am quite handsome and has been admirin' me for some time. She was holdin' it all in until Truffles opened fire on her womanhood on the Facebook venue. Not in so many words I believe Ms. Godiva is sayin', "Game On, Ms. Fudge Pants". Bein' the show gal that she is, Ms. Godiva also included several pictures of herself and a couple made even me blush.

PRO #2. She was bred from some of the strongest lab show breeding stock in the country and has earned 7 Best Of Breeds while getting her championship. That is very amazing because that means she was not only the best female but even beat out all the males. How many girls can claim that title?
PRO #3. She has earned her Canine Good Citizen certificate the same as me, although I'm guessin' she didn't brown nose the evaluator the same as I did to get it.
PRO #4. She only lives about an hour away so if I get a cravin' for chocolate, I do not have far to travel.
PRO #5. Her dad has connections with the owners of the local dog spa which is heavenly for those endless winters when it is too cold to swim in the lake. (This is a BIG PRO)

GODIVA - CON's
CON #1. As I said, she is a natural born show dog and loved all the attention that goes along with that. Although her 2 leggers say she has settled down, it concerns me she may yearn for that kind of attention again.
CON #2. She is used to a raw meat diet which I'm not sure if I can afford to keep her in that kind of luxury .
CON #3. She has children of her own (artificially bred so I'm told). Even though two are famous in their own right, you never know when any one of them will drag their troubles home again.
CON #4. One of those son's name is Moose and by his size he lives up to the name. I don't think I would wanna get on the wrong side of him. She also lives with 4 other labs and GULP! - she now lives under the same roof as a Jack Russell. (Although he has a very cool name, Rocky the Jack Russell brother is a BIG CON)

Ms. Truffles


TRUFFLES - PRO's
PRO #1. We are very close in age so we probably have more in common and have about the same energy level.
PRO #2. She is very much in favor of adopting dogs of all breeds and sizes which shows me that she is a girl who has more concern for the benefit of others than herself and wants to help those who are less fortunate.
PRO #3. She's very computer savvy and will easily be able to work from home if she so chooses.
PRO #4. The fact that she has simple tastes endeared her to me from them moment we met. Give her a can of gravy and she's happy, as am I.
PRO #5. Her 2 leggers have their very own river in their back yard. (This is a BIG PRO)


TRUFFLES - CON's
CON #1. She lives several states away which makes our time together limited until we can be married.
CON #2. Havin' a broken leg as a pup has left her with a mild limitation, although one would never know it by lookin' at her shapely legs.
CON #3. She has a psychopath brother, a sister with a filthy drug habit and GULP! - she lives under the same roof as a cat. (Nigel Buggers, the psychopath brother is a very BIG CON)

So there it is. I don't think I'm any closer to comin' to a decision than when I first started. Please don't judge me for my spineless inability to come to a decision. Truly I am torn between the devil and the deep brown groundhog.



If anybody out there has the magic key to open this trap I've come to find myself in, please by all means feel free to offer advice. I know I will have to hurt one of these lovely ladies and honestly it tears me to pieces to think I will have to be the dog to do it. Now I know how Truffles must have felt when she had to let Rory B. Frock down when she chose me over that Celtic charmer.

Wait a minute!!! What was it that Jerry said? Us dogs are much smarter than 2 leggers? Here I am, gettin' my brown knickers in a terrible twist without thinkin' this whole matter through thoroughly! I think I have answered my own question.

Truffles dearest, please forgive me for my recent strayin' of the brain. I remember only too well how I felt when I thought I might lose you for the sweet talkin' Rory, yet you stood by your initial commitment to me and let Rory down ever so gently. If you still find it in your heart to continue with our marital plans, I would love to forever be your one and only mate.

I am so sorry Ms. Godiva to have to let you down. Had you come along before Truffles, our futures may have turned out quite differently. As it is, I cannot go back on my word to Ms. Truffles. You have certainly tested this ol' boy and I'm ashamed to admit, I almost failed Truffles miserably. I hope you don't find me ungrateful for the truly wonderful gift box you sent. It ROCKED in a big way. I will return it if you would like, although the pretzel shaped bully stick is unretrievable and the Wubba got a good workout in Lake Marberg on Sunday and is not quite as good as new. If you can find it in your heart, I would love to continue our friendship. And if you're interested I know where there is a handsome little Sweetie Wheatie with a big heart who LOVES chocolate. Don't let the size fool ya, there's a big dog fillin' out that Pittsburgh Steelers jersey. Wouldn't it be great if one day we could go out to dinner to together? Maybe even to Madame Shoesies?

Rory B. Frock


Thank goodness I had a long weekend to think this whole affair through. Now we only have 4 days to get through till we can call it a weekend again. I hope that all of the tests that are placed in front of you this week will be easy ones.

Chester ;0=)

Sole Food

Good Monday morning! I sure hope the weekend was kind to you. Speakin' for myself, it was VERY kind. It jumpstarted right off the bat when Mom and Dad got home from work Friday night. I was finally able to get to the package that had been dropped off at the back door earlier in the day. Call it intuition or whatever, somehow I knew it was mine. My little Vermont vixen, Truffles, aka: Fudge Pants, had sent me a box of goodies for my amusement, along with a letter. I will only share a part of the letter with you though, for I firmly believe intimate details should only be shared between lovers.

I hope no persons of the law reads this-I'm sure she really paid for my stuff. Really I'm sure. I saw no security tags. Anyway, the card she speaks of is a paper doll likeness of Ms. Truffles with a message inside written in her own paw.

She says she personalized it by sleeping on it so that it would smell of her special scent of gravy and grass stains. Then she cut to the chase by adding a firm warning that "I should not be tempted to inspect the north end of any south bound hussy lab that should happen by." I think she speaks of Ms. Godiva of Harrisburg who has more than once shown interest in me. Truffles also added that I should keep this card as a reminder and that in her words "she has some seriously rusty scissors in her toybox." That should also serve as a good reminder for me to watch my step!

Ms. Godiva
*I can honestly say it's kinda macho feelin' to have not one, but TWO lovely Chocolate females fightin' over me. I just hope this doesn't lead to a Jerry Springer episode.

Anyway, she did real well pickin' out loot for me. She knows oh, so well my newfound love of bully sticks and included a 12 incher that will not only satisfy my chewing needs but will also keep my teeth nice and white for the weddin'. She is also concerned for my safety and included a window sticker tellin' firemen that I may be trapped inside. Not a bad thing to have posted because you just never know when Mom may have left the iron on. The cookies you see are wonderful tastin' tidbits in the shapes of fire hydrants, pawprints and groundhogs with bow ties. Well, they mighta been bears but either way they all tasted really, really good. So good that I helped myself to a couple while Mom went to get her camera.

The piece de resistance of the whole package is, of course, the groundhog stuffie. Can't say that Truffle's idea of suffocatin' the little rodents along with her rusty scissors comment doesn't concern me just a little bit about the mental stability of my life partner, but still not a bad tool to remember in the Battle of the Groundhogs.

Only problem is Mom and I have been in a heated debate ever since we saw this stuffie. I tried to explain the benefits of shreddin' it and Mom tried to convince me of the cuteness of it and how it would be almost like a taxidermied trophy to place in our home. We did the best we could to come to a compromise. She will let me have it under her supervision only and for short periods of time. You can see how she can't keep her paws off of it even though it's mine.

This is what Mr. Groundhog Stuffy looks like after that little bit of playtime.

Now he looks like he lost the battle with a jar of seriously stiff hair gel. Either that or he is a Rod Stewart wannabe.

So anyway, that is how my weekend got off to such a great start. The time and effort she took to get me such an awesome package really touched me. Got me to thinkin' that I should show my appreciation. Then it came to me that there's a new little restaurant just around the corner that I think would be great for us to try together. It's called "Madame Shoesie's Raw Bar and Buffet". I hear it's been rated a "10" by some major food critics. Just lookin' at it through the window has me droolin'.

I got a chance to look at the menu and some of the delicacies featured are: Nike Nuggets, Ked's Kickers, Blackened Filet of Sole, Land's End Lubbers, Merrell's Meatballs. I'm not sure what it's called but there looks to be a sweet pink confection of a dessert that I can hardly wait for us to sink our teeth into. The only thing I was hopin' they'd have and don't is Hard Shelled Clogs. I know how much Truffles loves them so I spoke to the proprietor and she said there is a good chance she will be adding them soon. Hopefully before Truffles reads this and hops a fast bound train headed south. In the meantime Ms. Truffles, thanks so much for my wonderful gift box-it ROCKED!!!

So there it is - the highlight of my weekend. Now it's time to bear down and get the old snooter back to the grindstone.
Hope this week treats you all very well, body and sole.
Chester :0=)