My Mom has Clean Drawers

Yep, you read right! Did I mention "kitchen" drawers? Oh my! What were you thinking? Don't worry, she cleans those drawers every day-sometimes even twice! No, these kitchen drawers I'm talkin' 'bout were getting pretty nasty and she ripped everything outta them this morning and washed them inside and out. That's after she filled the clothesline up with all those formerly unclean clothing articles. (NO-she don't hang her drawers out to dry, thank goodness!)

So by the time all this carrying on was over, I'm thinking to myself, "Ya know Ches, this is about the time Mom will feel the need to load me up to go somewhere fun." But noooooooooooooooooooo, we go outside and she whips out the yard tools. The rake and the wheelbarrow were a blur as she flew from one end of the yard to the next gathering all the loose remnants of winter's destruction. Needless to say, she never did get a Starbucks but whatever she puts into that home brew of hers puts an espresso to shame. As I watched her fly around inside the house and out, I became dizzier than a small child on the Twirl-O-Whirl at the county fair.

Chester's Mom: Quit being so dramatic again, Chester. We just like to keep the homeplace looking nice and it takes work days like this to make it happen.
Chester: I'm serious, Mom. You gotta slow it down. You ain't the spring chicken that you used to be.
Chester's Mom: You gotta make hay while the sun shines.
Chester: Hay? I thought Dad quit farming before I was born? I woulda liked to be around then, I heard he was outstanding in his field.

Chester's Mom: We both used to have alot more energy and there was no time for walking a dog everyday like we do with you now.
Chester: Is that when you bought this old run down shack and turned it into what it is today?
Chester's Mom: Yes, as a matter of fact. We were the original Extreme Home Makeover.
Chester: Let's dig out those photos again-I love looking at them.

Before:

After:

Unbelievable!
Well, at this point you'd think I was set for another afternoon of relaxation looking at pictures at which point I would fall into unabashed napping. But nooooooooooooooooo! She wanted to give all the spring plants Miracle Gro so they would look all prettified when they bloom. Then she decided to also rid the yard of my corn cob remains scattered at strategic points all over the yard.



Chester's Mom: Why do you feel the need to drag in and eat all this field corn? You know it doesn't digest and makes you look like a dysfunctional popcorn popper at the movie theatre.
Chester: Ever hear of fiber?
Chester's Mom: That's what I'm saying. It looks basically the same going in as it does coming out.
Chester: I know-it kinda tickles!

I guess I gotta realize that Mom is just never going to get it, just like she doesn't understand why my neighbor chocolate lab, Duke takes a dump on top of her bushes. She is emphatic about wearing gloves while weeding knowing there are always surprises just like in a Cracker Jack box.

Chester's Mom: Yeah, now that you mention it, why does Duke poop on top of the bushes?
Chester: It's like this, you have your mailbox, I have mine. And I'd appreciate it if you'd stop throwing my mail away! I mean if it's a problem, I'll just tell him to leave it in your mailbox.
Chester's Mom: I thought you were gonna be a bigger help here in the yard today. All that I saw you do was steal sticks out of my wheelbarrow, go off in a warm spot and chew them into pieces.
Chester: Did you not notice that I was on border patrol for an hour?
Chester's Mom; Border patrol? Hmmmmmppppfffff! Some border patrol you are, you found yourself a nice cozy spot out of the wind and took a snooze.
Chester: Look, I don't go to work and tell you how to do your job, don't think because you're home for a day that you can tell me how to do mine. It's all about strategy. Might I add that there have not been any illegal aliens sighted in the back yard since I've been on the job?
Chester's Mom: Well.............I guess I can truly say there haven't.
Chester: I rest my case-preferably in a sunny spot outta the wind!



Woofs and warm, sunny slobbers!
Chester