Emergency Bath and OH BOLOGNA!

SUNDAY MORNING 8:30 am.

Oh what a glorious day it started out to be. It wasn't so much that the skies were blue and cloudless-because there was a slight mist in the air and skies were gray. What mattered most to me was that Dad was sharpening his chainsaw as Mom pulled out of the driveway on her way to church. I know that as these events occur that I am gonna be headed to the woods with Dad. You know, it's a guy thing. The roar of a chainsaw, woodchips flyin' in the wind, Dad giving little to no mind whatsoever to what I am doing. Free, I say! Free at last!

Let me back peddle just for a minute. I had heard Mom and Dad talking before she left and words like "Uncle John", "Aunt Carol" and "bologna" were being tossed around like mortarboards at graduation. Now these are words that get me excited. Next to Mom and Dad, my Uncle John is probably my next favorite 2 legger. He has no dog and is blissfully happy to get me excited and never demands that I perform to get the treats that he carries in his pocket. And Aunt Carol is a sucker for a brown dude. You see, she has a bit of chocolate in her own household known as Beau. I know if there is a morsel in her hand, it will eventually end up in my mouth.

So with company coming, I'm thinking I oughta shine myself up a bit.

This is when everything began to go wrong.

SUNDAY MORNING 9:00 am.

While Dad was busy with his chainsaw, I proceeded to do a little window shopping. I'm thinking that a little cologne would be nice so I sauntered down the perfume aisle. As luck would have it, there were free samples at my disposal. I sniffed around until I found just the right scent for a family gathering and proceeded to lather myself completely with it; paying particularly good attention to the head and neck area. Pretty proud of my forethought, I headed back to Dad who was finishing his tasks.

SUNDAY MORNING 10:30 am.

Mom comes home to find me on the back porch resting comfortably on my bed, a little too wet to be going into the house. I could tell by the look on her face that she noticed my new cologne. Just to be sure that it wasn't Dad's cologne she had picked up on, she ran her fingers through my newly scented neck fur. Uh-oh, that's not her happy face. The kitchen door closed as she called for Dad. I strained to hear but all I could make out were the words "emergency" and "bath". (Did ya ever notice that bath is a 4 letter word?)

Soon Dad was coming with oatmeal shampoo, bucket and Mom in her rain pants.

I think you can figure the rest of the story. Thank goodness it had only been a free sample and I had not actually bought any of that rare perfume. I would have been highly upset 'cuz I work hard for the little bit of allowance that I get and it doesn't go far these days.

Now I smell like somebody's breakfast.

SUNDAY AFTERNOON 1:30 pm.

Trucks and vans pull in with coolers and small children. Wa-hooooooooooooo! Party time with these people always means food and merriment, although this was a slightly different party. This shindig was to bag up all the deer bologna that Dad and his hunting buddies like to have made out of their trophies. Bologna was being pulled out of the 'fridge left and right. One hundred and thirty pounds of it. My nose was quivering and my gums were soggy with drool. This was a good time to go see Uncle John and cousin Rachel who were in charge of slicing.

Oh yeah.

SCORE!
Where's Aunt Carol? There she is.
I just gave her my evil eye and she became powerless and under my control.

TOUCHDOWN!

Kids. You don't even have to ask, they just automatically hold it out and

BINGO!

There's Mom. Forget it. She's too cool a cucumber for me to work.
MOVE ON to the next sucker.
Hey-look at that. No one is manning the bologna slices. And better yet there's a big chunk that seems to be calling my name.

And they had just got done saying how good I was.

Woofs and bologna slobbers!

Chester

(A note from Chester's Mom: this piece of bologna was only briefly in Chester's mouth. It was washed and will be consumed by me and Chester's father. Crazy or true dog lovers? You be the judge.)