Monday, September 26, 2011

WW4K (Will Work for Kibble)

"The Life of Riley" was a popular American radio situation comedy series from the 1940's. In 1949 it was adapted into a feature film and then it bcame a long runnin' television show in the 1950's. The first season, well-known Jackie Gleason starred in the role of Riley and then William Bendix took over the role for the next six seasons. Bendix's character was (get this!) Chester A. Riley, a blunderin' wing riveter at the fictional Cunningham Aircraft plant in California. His frequent exclamation of "What a revoltin' development this is!" became a very popular catch phrase of the era.

This brings me to my point: a revoltin' development also occurred here over the weekend. All was goin' down per our usual weekend ritual, my breakfast consistin' of 2 cups of kibble lightly seasoned with a fish oil tablet and a half a bucket of water, give or take a couple slurps. A trip outside to take care of bizness and check the perimeters for illegals, then back inside to await what sort of entertainment my PUs had in store for me.

I soon realized that I would not be accompanyin' Mom to see my GrandPUs - sumpthin' about them havin' a lot of important papers to be sorted and not needin' me there to help. I pride myself on my ability to sort and shred what I deem to be unnecessary, but - whatever! That meant that I would be with Dad who spends most of his time outside which is just fine by me. I only had to do one more thing before Mom left and that was to remind her that my kibble bag was near empty. I also informed her that if she didn't take care of the situation, I would not be held responsible for my actions.

The day unfolded and I supervised Dad as he took care of the outside chores. To lighten his load and to prevent dullness from settin' in, I took my ball to him occassionally so he was not all work and no play. Much was accomplished by the time that Mom finally rolled in. To my delight, she unloaded a brand spankin' new bag of kibble. Premature drool started to form on my jowls even though I knew I had a few hours before dinner would be served.

Finally the wait was over and Mom asked me if I wanted my supper. DUH! Like why would you even ask? Of course I am always ready to eat. My exterior portrait of patience belied the waves of tumult washin' through my innerds. You see, I have been brainwashed taught that I must wait for the "okay" before divin' in.

Chester's Mom: Okay!
(slurp, crunch, lick, crunch, inhale, lick, slurp..........head tilts with question)
Chester: Excuse me, I do believe you shorted me.
Chester's Mom: I did not short you - this is your portion from here on out.
Chester: Nope, I distinctly counted and I am 43 pieces of kibble short.
Chester's Mom: That was intentional and like I said, this is your portion for each meal starting today.
Chester: You've got some 'splainin' to do and you need to start NOW!!!

Apparently I was already startin' to feel faint from weakness because the words that I was hearin' come outta her mouth were beyond comprehension. She was sayin' that the 2 legger who sells my food told her that the diagram on the food bag that shows the rate of kibble to be dispensed per weight of dog is for workin' dawgs and generally not the rate for your average household pet. My mind cleared for just a second because I know for sure that my job title as head of Homeland Security is clearly that of a workin' dawg.

Chester: So tell me again Mom, why am I still bein' shorted 43 pieces of kibble?
Chester's Mom: You are correct in that you are head of Homeland Security around here and I feel much safer knowing that no groundhogs or squirrels will invade the comforts of our home but....your job is not the same as a dog who is on the go all day long. Your days in bed are gradually starting to soften your shape and I'd like to stop this progression before it becomes a problem.
Chester: Look here woman, I am comfortable in my own skin and am not tryin' to impress anybody with a rock hard body.
Chester's Mom: It's too late, your father and I have already discussed this and we both agree you're on the verge of becoming overweight. You do realize don't you, that if you are overweight, you are not going to be as fast and could affect your groundhog count.

Oh no!!! Dad's been brainwashed too. Now I really got my work cut out for me.

It's Monday and as you can see, I'm gonna do whatever it takes
to earn my kibble this week, as I'm sure you will too.
I hope your benefits are better'n mine.

Chester ;0=)


Stella said...

Uhn, Chester? My Vet cut me back to 1 cup of kibble Per Day from two cups.

That means my Mom scoops out two 1/2 cup measures in my dish, one in the morning and one at night. She will also toss some green beans or some homemade soup on it just to perk it up.

Its horrible! I might leave home.


houndstooth said...

Sacrilege! How could your mom make those claims? I've seen you, and you seemed in fine form to me this Spring! Why, I even flipped the page in your calendar, and you look just fine for October, too. Your mom is clearly delusional!

Perhaps if your mom thinks you need a job you should hire yourself on as her personal trainer and give her a work out every day that will make her glad to give you unlimited kibble!


Benny and Lily said...

Keep telling her it's muscle like I do
Benny & Lily

Khyra And Sometimes Her Mom said...

I'll have Mom pull over The Xterra next Sunday fur woo -

Meet her at THAT overpass area of I81 -


Mango said...

Chester, this is tough love for sure. Everybody knows that left to their own devices, labradoinks would consume foodables until they exploded. Now that would be unfortunate, right?

Maybe if you ever get that tin foil hat working you can have your alien friends beam you down some astronaut food.


joann123 said...

Chester so great, Have ever heard of unconditional love. Animal's has an amazing love for there owners. Dog Grooming Mississauga

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