Friday, January 21, 2011


In this day and age it seems that anyone and everyone is allowed to produce fraudulent readin' material. The worst part is that much of it is bein' embraced by the general public.
Unfortunately I'm findin' out the hard way that none of us are
immune to the type of subculture that produced this next piece of hogwash.

The article I am speakin' of is a feature in the 
December issue of FIDO magazine. 
This doctrine of misinformation would have gone unnoticed by Dad had it not been thrust under his nose. I'm afraid he has succumbed to it's powerful, yet misguided message, 
for it was not long after readin' it that he said the words I 
thought I would never hear comin' out of his mouth: 
"Sorry Ches, that's all you're getting - I'm cutting back".

I don't know who Arden Moore and Vladislav Roytapel are
but obviously they've got a bone to pick with the dawg community.
Rather than bore you and waste your valuable time, I have chosen
to emphasize the more poignant parts of this full page article.

This would be a caricature of the female half of the battle.
(I think this captures the essence of Mom fairly well, don't you?)

This would be a caricature of the male half of the battle.
(This looks nuthin' at all like my dear, sweet dad.)

The followin' excerpt includes some of the most
agonizin' and pathetic advice you will ever read.

(click on article to biggify so as not to miss a single lie)

Now, with my literary license and my trustworthy red pen,
I have taken great pleasure in rectifyin' this madness so that
it reflects what I'm sure you dawgs were already thinkin'
as you read the above.

(again, biggifyin' this will help)

Well, it may not be perfect but at least it's much better than that other rubbish. I will insist that FIDO magazine print a retraction
in hopes of savin' future distress of my canine brothers and sisters.
It's too late for me, the damage here has been done as evidenced by the followin' picture. These buckets are for my Pappy's barn
kittehs and they are overflowin' with the abundance of table scraps
that used to be mine. They are eatin' mighty well for a bunch
of mangy felines who should be earnin' their keep
by managin' the mouse population in the barn.
But no, now they are loungin' in the hayloft with full bellies,
and lickin' their greasy paws with turkey breath.

I've even pulled out some of my best beggin' maneuvers
but they have generated very little in the way of personal payoff.

(Sigh), I am still quite disturbed not only because of the 
cutback of table scraps; but even more so it grieves my
Big Brown heart to know that there exists such a cruel
clique that would take aim against us dawgs who
feast offa table scraps like kings and queens 
take pride in our faithful association with our 2 leggers.

At least it's Friday which is always a great payoff after a long week.
I hope your weekend overflows with an abundance of good stuff.

Chester ;0=)

(meanwhile, down on the farm)


Life With Dogs said...

LOL! Don't force a retraction - apply for a job as copy editor! :)

Texas The Doxie said...

YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!Dats it stand up for us doggies of the world!

Budrow Wilson Spain said...

Yo Big Brownie welcome to the group!! Sorry to see yet another great dog fall into the hell that is my life! Two-legger here wont feed us any human food either nor will she let our guests give me a taste. She is so mean to me and locks me in a cage/crate if she see me beggin from our guests. I am surprise that C.P.S. hasn't haled her away yet.

houndstooth said...

If it's not the squirrels of the world stirring up trouble, it's the darned cats! Let me know if you figure out where we can get job applications for Fido magazine. Oh, and I'm having pizza bones tonight!


Kolchak Puggle said...

LOVE IT! I am fighting this very same thing at my house right now - only my Mom took it one step further and says I'm on a DIET. What a dirty word. My Mom has no problem if Dad wants to feed me his broccoli, steamed carrots, cauliflower or green beans, BLECH! but there's not much hitting my bowl in the way of sweet delicious table scraps. I SAY WE REVOLT! VIVE LA REVOLUTION!

Khyra And Sometimes Her Mom said...

Watch fur the orange flash on Sunday -

'bout 1130 or so -

And then again about 1pm -


Kristin G. said...

I'm so glad we have you to set the record straight, Chester!! Happy snack hunting!!

Jed and Abby in MerryLand said...

Win some, lose some, Chester. The more the beans consider us furkids, the better our medical care gets. But also, they start imposing all the bean "healthy eating" rules on us. Note that if the beans consider the table scraps too dangerous for you to eat, they're still willing to feed all that fat and stuff to the barn kitties. So who do you think they love the most, Chester? Arwen & Russian cat: be careful what you wish for.

Jed & Abby

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