Monday, August 03, 2009

WANTED

The weekend started out on it's usual good note of hangin' out with the 2 leggers on a Friday evening, relaxing together after what is usually a long, hard week. By Friday evening they are tired from the week-long struggle to make a somewhat decent life, for they were not born with silver spoons in their mouths. Afternoon tea has never been set out on the veranda by a humble servant for either of them-if you get my drift. Many Friday nights the sweet smelling fragrance of a pizza will fill the air, of which I am a most willing partaker of the meager crumbs they begrudgingly share. After an hour or so of TV or PC vegetation, I meander to my bedroom as they in turn trudge to their own. Sleep is sweet, knowing we will share good times together over the next two days.

Little did I know the Rebel yell had been uh, well, yelled...........

For the most part we are early risers and Saturday morning started with my usual breakfast while darkness still filled the sky. Then came the outdoor relief parade through the yard with Mom and I being joined by a leash. The leash is required by Mom, knowing that a skunk could be in the vicinity. She knows that I, being the gracious and entertaining dog that I am would more than likely want to offer my paw of friendship. But according to her, skunks are not a hospitable group and would turn tail, snubbing me profusely with their non-social airs.

As the sun rose and light began to overcome the surrounding darkness, it was easy to see that a fog had invaded the parcel that we call home. It was a thick blanket of white that not only covered the maturing soybeans but also moistened their sun parched leaves from the previous day's heat. I scanned the beauty of the contrasting green leaves and white misty air.



That's when my gaze was stopped short by a sheet of paper that had mysteriously been attached to one of our walnut trees overnight.



I couldn't imagine who would have placed this paper on the tree considering the fact that this tree is well away from the road and is surrounded by fields. The strange gnawing that had begun in the pit of my stomach turned quickly to outrage and horror upon closer inspection.



My cursed rival had slipped in quietly during the night and dealt this new weapon of warfare. He had bombarded my mind with a mental hand grenade. As the day progressed I came to find out he was taunting me all over town, displaying the poster at places he knows I frequent.

The store where Mom gets my biscuits and that nasty ear cleaner had one hanging on the porch railing.



The weather channel predicted a beautiful day which had Mom's SUV begging for a trip through the car wash tunnel. Yet again my pleasure was stolen as Mom paid for the wash and I saw the heartless trail my nemesis had left hanging on the outer wall.





I was overcome with a hatred that I never knew existed within me for this wretched rodent . Hard as it was to not go on a rampage, I stood still, knowing that I should not be hasty. A quickly designed plan would be my sure defeat in this contest between me and this newly formed army.





That's when it hit me that my newly acquired vehicle would be perfect for a full fledged attack. It's not your average vehicle, it is designed to transport soldiers into battle. I have shared the news of getting a vehicle with some of my dog friends on Facebook and I have no doubt that they will be at the ready when we decide to retaliate. If any of you dogs in DogBlogville feel prepared and are willing to serve, I will accept any and all. I don't believe a draft will be necessary.



A serious vehicle like this called for a personalized license plate. Lucky for me, Budrow Spain's Mom, Cheri, was in Facebook jail 2 weeks ago and made me this killer license plate.




The wanted poster that emerged from the groundhog underworld has only deepened my desire to rid the world of their poison forever. Normally you wouldn't think of us with labrador origins as being a hateful group. I can't explain it, maybe it's that I am an excellent judge of character. Or maybe it is that in my family tree, great hunters have passed their bloodthirst on to me and that is why I am now a prisoner of my own passion. Either way, I believe that this is my duty, maybe even my calling, to help the local farmer's succeed in their chosen endeavor.

May you all rest easier knowing that I am vigilant at my post,
Chester "Mad Dog" Hoover ;0=)

22 comments:

Sally said...

Hi Chester,
yeahaaaaaaaaaa. That sounds to be funny.

From now on, my blog is in English too.
Would be nice to see you there.

http://sally.nemati.multilang.over-blog.com/


Nice wuuuh
Sally

Kori said...

Wow, Chester, you really do like like a "bad boy" in that wanted picture. Ladies hearts are gonna be breaking. Well you know Athena and Misty will help.

Martha Basset said...

Chester - we are willing! Willing and able to assist in any plans of retaliation you may have. We have good noses and could forge ahead and track down the enemy in the first instance. Once we have found the enemy we may need back up as we tend to forget they are the enemy and play!!!
We feel this is an outrage - those posters are all part of a wicked plan - remember we are your friends.
Have no fear - we bassets are near!
love
Martha & Bailey xxxx

Martha Basset said...

PS mum says we will probably need steps to help us get into that vehicle!!!

Cocorue said...

hey Chester,
as long as you don't mistake me for your enemy ( as i may be smaller than them ) ....i may be your biggest asset (in terms of speed and intelligence )and i am a very good strategist....BOL

you know what the 2leggers say about "small packages..."
unless you like to differ???

your chi friend,
coco

The Thundering Herd said...

What a nice vehicle! We are partial to our Jeep, but we can follow you anywhere.

P.S. - We think you may have been here before because we don't have any groundhogs here.

Holly said...

Chester:
Rory wants you to know that since you believe he's likely too small to be effective in a, as he calls them, "grrrround hoggie" fight, he will sign on to drive the vehicle leaving your bigger dogs to safely get in and back out quickly.

Let him know when he's to report for duty!

What a fun way to start a week. Thanks Meesh and Chester!

Andrea said...

Chester,
My mom will not allow my furry brothers, sister, and I to seek the cute little skunks friendship, either. They are so cute and I don't see the harm in offering. Mom says NO!
Woofs and Wags,
Sitka

Stella said...

Wooo, Chester! This sounds like a big battle! You've got the vehicle and you've got us pups, go to it!

Kisses,
Stella

Cocorue said...

TQ Chester for stopping by and you will not regret this as this small fry is a good team player and does not need to sit on the dash......

size does and can help in this instance as your team mate can cross over to the enemy lines without being noticed and ( will be welcomed as one of their own because of mistaken identity )and
they wouldn't even know what hit them by the time our team moves in for the attack......

by the time they come to their senses, i will be back on your shoulders working on our next move....

chi kisses

Cocorue said...

woo hoo Chester,
my team mates can look down (even when they're down, i'm still down...er unless i sit on their noses bol...) they'd better NOT STEP down .....
i may be gutsy but i still need my beauty sleep even during combat...

yak soon as it's bedtime here,
coco

Life With Dogs said...

Oh I'm game! I've got my staple remover and a post hole digger...where to start?? Truffles wanted to remind you to wear your hog proof vest...

cubbieduke said...

lol!! Chester dude, you are the greatest! Love the wanted poster, clever dude man!

Budrow Wilson Spain said...

Private First Class Buddy reporting for duty!

Khyra The Siberian Husky And Sometimes Her Mom said...

Mom spotted some of those posters on her way to Martinsburg on Sunday...it was raining too hard fur her to get a pikh of any!

Hugz&Khysses,
Khyra
PeeEssWoo: Good lukhk...my mom used to be a pretty fair trapper of 'em at her old house...

Jan said...

Chester,

I made the mistake of letting our greyhound Harley read your post with me, and now he's whining incessantly and won't give me a moment's peace.

He's never seen a groundhog up close and personal, and clearly he wants Lee and I to bring him to Pennsylvania so he can join you on your mission.

Regrettably,that won't be possible, as I'm sure you understand what a long distance that would be for us to travel by car with dear Harley.

But please know that our thoughts are with you on your quest, and do keep us apprised of your progress!

Jan and Harley

Nika + PARKER said...

Hi Twin bro - if you need a hideout, make it north of the border, i'll meet you there and you can stay with us here, no one will look for ya!

Jeanine said...

Well hi Chester! You look just like my Chocolate Lab, her name was Nestle, my first dog and my love of my life, I lost her on December 10, 2007 and still have insane heartache, what a blessing she was and you are to your mom! You also have the same name as my Dad! Love your blog, found you through Oz Girl! Have a great day! (You look like an english lab, that was what Nestle was).

Oz Girl said...

Ringo has announced he is ready and willing to help Chester whenever the need arises!! He has killed quite a few opossums, rats and mice in his time. I don't think he's ever captured any groundhogs, but he's up to the challenge.

We are trying not to work too much, but all of a sudden we feel that summer is running out and winter will be upon us before you know it... we have house painting to finish, fence repairs to finish, some new outbuildings for the horses to finish... the list goes on and on. :-0

NORWOOD UNLEASHED said...

Chester
I'm amazed at that underhandedness of the local groundhogs. THey planted the skunk decoys nicely until all signs were hung. I trust your wildly lab hunting techniques will prevail. In fact, the hogkiller will serve as a lovely platform to display your victims.

Norwood

ajordan said...

Ha! We had seen the new wheels on Facebook. Love the license plate!
Greyhound and Golden Retriever are reporting for duty! We shall help you hunt down those pesky hogs! A call to arms!
Reporting for duty....

(BTW, love the wanted poster...that rocks!)

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