Emergency Bath and OH BOLOGNA!

SUNDAY MORNING 8:30 am.

Oh what a glorious day it started out to be. It wasn't so much that the skies were blue and cloudless-because there was a slight mist in the air and skies were gray. What mattered most to me was that Dad was sharpening his chainsaw as Mom pulled out of the driveway on her way to church. I know that as these events occur that I am gonna be headed to the woods with Dad. You know, it's a guy thing. The roar of a chainsaw, woodchips flyin' in the wind, Dad giving little to no mind whatsoever to what I am doing. Free, I say! Free at last!

Let me back peddle just for a minute. I had heard Mom and Dad talking before she left and words like "Uncle John", "Aunt Carol" and "bologna" were being tossed around like mortarboards at graduation. Now these are words that get me excited. Next to Mom and Dad, my Uncle John is probably my next favorite 2 legger. He has no dog and is blissfully happy to get me excited and never demands that I perform to get the treats that he carries in his pocket. And Aunt Carol is a sucker for a brown dude. You see, she has a bit of chocolate in her own household known as Beau. I know if there is a morsel in her hand, it will eventually end up in my mouth.

So with company coming, I'm thinking I oughta shine myself up a bit.

This is when everything began to go wrong.

SUNDAY MORNING 9:00 am.

While Dad was busy with his chainsaw, I proceeded to do a little window shopping. I'm thinking that a little cologne would be nice so I sauntered down the perfume aisle. As luck would have it, there were free samples at my disposal. I sniffed around until I found just the right scent for a family gathering and proceeded to lather myself completely with it; paying particularly good attention to the head and neck area. Pretty proud of my forethought, I headed back to Dad who was finishing his tasks.

SUNDAY MORNING 10:30 am.

Mom comes home to find me on the back porch resting comfortably on my bed, a little too wet to be going into the house. I could tell by the look on her face that she noticed my new cologne. Just to be sure that it wasn't Dad's cologne she had picked up on, she ran her fingers through my newly scented neck fur. Uh-oh, that's not her happy face. The kitchen door closed as she called for Dad. I strained to hear but all I could make out were the words "emergency" and "bath". (Did ya ever notice that bath is a 4 letter word?)

Soon Dad was coming with oatmeal shampoo, bucket and Mom in her rain pants.

I think you can figure the rest of the story. Thank goodness it had only been a free sample and I had not actually bought any of that rare perfume. I would have been highly upset 'cuz I work hard for the little bit of allowance that I get and it doesn't go far these days.

Now I smell like somebody's breakfast.

SUNDAY AFTERNOON 1:30 pm.

Trucks and vans pull in with coolers and small children. Wa-hooooooooooooo! Party time with these people always means food and merriment, although this was a slightly different party. This shindig was to bag up all the deer bologna that Dad and his hunting buddies like to have made out of their trophies. Bologna was being pulled out of the 'fridge left and right. One hundred and thirty pounds of it. My nose was quivering and my gums were soggy with drool. This was a good time to go see Uncle John and cousin Rachel who were in charge of slicing.

Oh yeah.

SCORE!
Where's Aunt Carol? There she is.
I just gave her my evil eye and she became powerless and under my control.

TOUCHDOWN!

Kids. You don't even have to ask, they just automatically hold it out and

BINGO!

There's Mom. Forget it. She's too cool a cucumber for me to work.
MOVE ON to the next sucker.
Hey-look at that. No one is manning the bologna slices. And better yet there's a big chunk that seems to be calling my name.

And they had just got done saying how good I was.

Woofs and bologna slobbers!

Chester

(A note from Chester's Mom: this piece of bologna was only briefly in Chester's mouth. It was washed and will be consumed by me and Chester's father. Crazy or true dog lovers? You be the judge.)

Vermont ROCKS!!!

The old saying is that what goes around comes around. Here's proof:

Just look at the loot I got in the mail today from Life with Dogs in Vermont!



Well, it was addressed to Mom but the cute Greyhound card inside says that Sola wanted to send this to me personally. Seems my little care package I sent to her while she was recuperating from Mr. Stick really touched her. I can only hope that it had a small part to do with her quick healing-although I’m sure her 2 leggers took very good care which was huge in her recovery process.

Mom has already confiscated the notepads and started her grocery list on it. As you can see I’ve added a few necessary items.



The Little Littles cookies are from out of this world. Well, that is if you consider the Green Mountain State out of this world. I’ve already inhaled four of them. Yes, I did say I inhaled.



I'm starting to feel very, very relaxed.



What’s those little green specks, Sola? Do they have anything to do with me all of a sudden wanting to light incense and tie dye my collar? And I’ve never had a Dorito but man, I’ve got a craving for them like you wouldn’t believe!
And why is Mom eating my cookies? Hey, Old Lady-get outta my cookies!! Uh-oh, did you get these from your neighbor? Cool.

Well, I’m feeling like putting a record on the record player, maybe something upbeat like Jimi Hendrix or The Doors and chillin’ for the rest of the night.

Thanks Sola for making my weekend and please express my thanks to your Mom and Dad for helping you get them mailed. Also tell them that I will be up to take care of their resident groundhog as soon as I run out of cookies.



Do me a favor please and tell Truffles “Groovy, Baby” and ask Nigel if he’s shagged any good magazines lately.

Thanks again, Vermont for sending me such good vibes.
Peace and love slobbers,
Chester

Adventures in Hanover

Hey Gang! Chester here and lovin' life! I wanted to tell you just where I was going when you saw my Window Wednesday pictures. Mom and Dad took me to a new place-they hadn't even been there before. Some friends we met through our Dock Diving adventures kept telling us about Codorus State Park near Hanover Pennsylvania. There is going to be a Dock Diving event there in June and we thought we'd all go check this park out. Not sure if I'm gonna dock dive there yet but we sure are gonna go back again when it's warmer.







I'm sure my pictures don't do it justice but it is gorgeous. Water, water EVERYWHERE! And they don't let those noisy boats on it so it was real peaceful. I got to take a short swim but Dad wouldn't let me in for long 'cuz Mom gets all spastic thinking I might get that limber tail/broken tail that sometimes happens to us labradors when we get into cold water. So to keep her happy I only stayed in for a minute. Then I saw these geese. Hmmmmmm-verrrry interesting. This whole leash thing really interferes with my social life!!!



We walked all over the place and the smells! Oh the new smells! And groundhogs! There were holes all over the place. If I hadn't been on my leash, there would have been a killin' spree. I'm surprised they let all those critters live there. I'm gonna see if they would like my assistance. I've been thinking I'd like to do some volunteer work and this would be a great place to start. Groundhogs make a terrible big hole that is a pain to mow around. (That's why I keep 'em under control around the homeplace-sometimes those holes give the tractors problems. The farmers love me!) I just about went out the window when we were leaving 'cuz a big old groundhog was running alongside the road. (Note to self: figure out how to open door without opposable thumbs)

Here's me and Dad on a dock. Dad thought I'd be skeered of the bouncy, bouncy of the dock but he shoulda knowed better.



Don't let the hat fool ya but here's me and Mom at the water's edge. It's a much better picture than that one she caught of herself squinting in the rearview mirror taking a picture of me hanging out the back window. She looked downright mean!




Did you know that the passenger pigeon is extinct? Me neither. This is a memorial to them and that's what it says. It's a shame 'cuz it says there used to be so many that they darkened the skies. (Probably made the ground a little messy but it's still sad they aren't around anymore). Very nice of the Boy Scouts to make this memorial.




There were alot of people looking out over this area of the lake. Apparently it is a good place to see real, live eagles.



This is me-nose to the wind- taking in the smells of Hanover Pennsylvania. Did you ever eat an Utz potato chip or pretzel? This is where they are made and I could smell 'em.



And get a load of me standing near this Battle of Hanover monument on the square in Hanover!




Just kiddin'! This is "Iron Mike" He was a statue originally owned by George Welsh, a Hanover resident. The statue was relocated from Mt. Olivet Cemetery and placed next to the "Picket" statue. There is no linkage between the dog statue and the Battle of Hanover.
There may be no linkage of Iron Mike to the battle but as much as we look alike, I'm thinkin' he might be a distant relative of mine.



Well, that was my latest adventure. If you're ever in that neck of the woods, stop by. I think you'll like it.

Woofs and adventurous slobbers!
Chester

Window Wednesday

Dog Bloggers Anonymous

Hi, my name's Chester and I'm a postaholic.
(Everybody say "Hi Chester).
This is my story. A casual acquaintance turned me onto dog blogging. I started out with just one blog post never thinking it would become my passion - my obsession, if you will. It felt good and I thought I could just post once. Posting is a vicious junkyard dog masquerading as a sweet tempered golden retriever as I soon found out. Soon I was posting two or three times a week.

I used to enjoy the outdoors and taking in the splendor of all that God created. Pee mail drew me in. Groundhogs with their sweet perfume beckoned me from afar. Butterflies teasing me to be chased. But now my toys lay ignored and abandoned.



What was once a passing fancy has taken over my life. Now I see a post begging to be told everywhere I turn. The meager allowance that I used to spend on trivials such as new collars and Beggin' strips is now being saved in hopes of acquiring a portable laptop. I yearn for the day when I can cafe hop where wireless internet access is free.



Night has never been a friend to me and many nights I found myself watching the clock and counting groundhogs. But now as I lay awake night after night I'm wanting only my PC and the pleasures that lie within. Paws longing to stroke my keyboard. If sleep does come, "Add Image" and "Post Comments" buttons chase me down in my dreams. Hitting the "Publish Post" button brings such ecstasy only previously surpassed by the humping of my dog bed. Bloodshot eyes opening to see on my PC screen what I once thought to be only imagined conversations with my 2 leggers. Days turned into nights as I cared not for food or drink.

This past Saturday was when I hit rock bottom. I had waited for hours for the Post Office to open, only to find that it was not at all what I thought it was. That's when I knew it was time to put an end to this bondage.

(Go on Chester)
They've told me here at Dog Bloggers Anonymous that the first step on the road to recovery is admitting your problem. I have to say I feel so much better already-yet I feel I am not alone. You know who you are.

You're the one claiming a headache only to be found huddled collar-less under the bedcovers, laptop keys being pounded with wreckless abandon.



You're the one with the glazed eyes, camera glued to your body, surveying the happenings of the 2 leggers and 4 leggers in your home hoping that with the next flash of the camera a new post will be born.



And yes, I've seen you scanning the Help Wanted ads after your 2 leggers are done with the newspaper hoping to find someone out there willing to pay for your unique posting abilities.



And there are some of you out there who, even though do not want to admit it, have been seen on street corners begging for just one quick post on a passersby's computer.



They've told me that this is a 12 step recovery program. I'm desperately reaching out to Dog Bloggers Anonymous. I can only hope that it's not too late for me. For those of you who see yourself in this situation, I suggest that you reach out for help before it's too late for you also. I think we can beat this addiction if we stick together.


Woofs and postaholic slobbers!
Chester

My Mom has Clean Drawers

Yep, you read right! Did I mention "kitchen" drawers? Oh my! What were you thinking? Don't worry, she cleans those drawers every day-sometimes even twice! No, these kitchen drawers I'm talkin' 'bout were getting pretty nasty and she ripped everything outta them this morning and washed them inside and out. That's after she filled the clothesline up with all those formerly unclean clothing articles. (NO-she don't hang her drawers out to dry, thank goodness!)

So by the time all this carrying on was over, I'm thinking to myself, "Ya know Ches, this is about the time Mom will feel the need to load me up to go somewhere fun." But noooooooooooooooooooo, we go outside and she whips out the yard tools. The rake and the wheelbarrow were a blur as she flew from one end of the yard to the next gathering all the loose remnants of winter's destruction. Needless to say, she never did get a Starbucks but whatever she puts into that home brew of hers puts an espresso to shame. As I watched her fly around inside the house and out, I became dizzier than a small child on the Twirl-O-Whirl at the county fair.

Chester's Mom: Quit being so dramatic again, Chester. We just like to keep the homeplace looking nice and it takes work days like this to make it happen.
Chester: I'm serious, Mom. You gotta slow it down. You ain't the spring chicken that you used to be.
Chester's Mom: You gotta make hay while the sun shines.
Chester: Hay? I thought Dad quit farming before I was born? I woulda liked to be around then, I heard he was outstanding in his field.

Chester's Mom: We both used to have alot more energy and there was no time for walking a dog everyday like we do with you now.
Chester: Is that when you bought this old run down shack and turned it into what it is today?
Chester's Mom: Yes, as a matter of fact. We were the original Extreme Home Makeover.
Chester: Let's dig out those photos again-I love looking at them.

Before:

After:

Unbelievable!
Well, at this point you'd think I was set for another afternoon of relaxation looking at pictures at which point I would fall into unabashed napping. But nooooooooooooooooo! She wanted to give all the spring plants Miracle Gro so they would look all prettified when they bloom. Then she decided to also rid the yard of my corn cob remains scattered at strategic points all over the yard.



Chester's Mom: Why do you feel the need to drag in and eat all this field corn? You know it doesn't digest and makes you look like a dysfunctional popcorn popper at the movie theatre.
Chester: Ever hear of fiber?
Chester's Mom: That's what I'm saying. It looks basically the same going in as it does coming out.
Chester: I know-it kinda tickles!

I guess I gotta realize that Mom is just never going to get it, just like she doesn't understand why my neighbor chocolate lab, Duke takes a dump on top of her bushes. She is emphatic about wearing gloves while weeding knowing there are always surprises just like in a Cracker Jack box.

Chester's Mom: Yeah, now that you mention it, why does Duke poop on top of the bushes?
Chester: It's like this, you have your mailbox, I have mine. And I'd appreciate it if you'd stop throwing my mail away! I mean if it's a problem, I'll just tell him to leave it in your mailbox.
Chester's Mom: I thought you were gonna be a bigger help here in the yard today. All that I saw you do was steal sticks out of my wheelbarrow, go off in a warm spot and chew them into pieces.
Chester: Did you not notice that I was on border patrol for an hour?
Chester's Mom; Border patrol? Hmmmmmppppfffff! Some border patrol you are, you found yourself a nice cozy spot out of the wind and took a snooze.
Chester: Look, I don't go to work and tell you how to do your job, don't think because you're home for a day that you can tell me how to do mine. It's all about strategy. Might I add that there have not been any illegal aliens sighted in the back yard since I've been on the job?
Chester's Mom: Well.............I guess I can truly say there haven't.
Chester: I rest my case-preferably in a sunny spot outta the wind!



Woofs and warm, sunny slobbers!
Chester

Starbucks Sucks

Not much time to post today-trying to finish up everything I got going on in my kennel 'cuz Mom is gonna be home with me tomorrow! Yippee! If I don't have everything done, she won't take me anywhere fun. So this is gonna be short and sweet. One of us may try to stop by for a chat tomorrow, but don't hang us if we don't 'cuz I'm sure we got lots of stuff to do. And if I don't make it around to find out what's up with all you cool dawgs, it's not becuz I don't care. Don't worry-I'll be bark real soon!


Chester's Mom: You know I have more to do than just play with you all day.
Chester: Yeah, but you know you can't resist this face. Besides, if I know you like I think I do, you're gonna be driving fast and eating cheese at some point. And you know I am an excellent co-pilot!
Chester's Mom: "Excellent" might be stretching it when you seem to think a co-pilot's position is on the armrest between the seats and you keep your nose 2 inches from the rearview mirror. And yes, I might drive fast but it won't be cheese. I might treat myself to one of those delicious Starbucks delights.
Chester: Great! There goes the kibble budget for this month.
Chester's Mom: I guess you're gonna just have to suck it up and live with it.
Chester: I usually do when it comes to you 2 leggers1

Woofs and sucking slobbers!
Chester

Whodunnit Wednesday

Chester Wows Crowd with Record Breaking Jump

Ok-so this isn't what the headlines are saying this morning. But I did jump and from what I'm hearing not all dogs do who try it for the first time.

So Mom and I had been practicing in the yard and I was getting really good at staying-even when Mom would wave the toy. Then when she said Ok I would take off running and try to catch it. Well, the yard is alot different than a noisy building with lots of people and dogs and I didn't want to stay too far away from Mom. She would start walking away and I'd start creeping towards her as she tried to get to the end where I would jump. And then when I got to the end and saw that 24 inch drop-I thought "YOU MUST BE OUTTA YOUR FREAKIN' HEAD, MOM!! But the water did look oh-so-inviting. I wanted to, but I didn't. I was definitely interested. On my first practice jump I just about took Mom into the water with me. She was down on one knee coaxing me to jump in and I turned and started to go between her legs. OH MY GOSH-the look on her face was priceless! I rethought the idea of taking her in with me and put it in reverse. (She had already left me with the lady at the Humane Society stand while she went to leave some pee mail where I wasn't allowed to go. I was concerned she might leave me there permanently if I did make her swim.) Anyway, I did finally jump and ya know, it really wasn't that bad!! I did get a little skeered when I couldn't figure out how to get out. Those pool walls are just too slippery to climb. But then I figured out the ramp and didn't have a problem after that. So I guess you'd like to hear some results. I got 2nd place in the Novice division with my jump of 9.05' and just a pawticipant ribbon in the junior division with my jump of 11.2' which I'm pretty happy with. I think if I got to do this more often, I would become really comfortable with it. Still don't understand the ribbons. I earned them so why can't I eat them?



I really wish we would have some pictures of me to show you but since Dad was not able to go along, we didn't have anybody to take pictures of me and Mom. She did take 2 videos of 2 other chocolate dogs. I repeat, OTHER DOGS. The first one is similar to how I wouldn't stay at the back of the dock. But I didn't dance all over the place at the end like this guy. I just stood at the end until I got up my nerve. The other video is real short but it is similar to how I jumped, besides if you hit play over and over real quick it's kinda funny to watch.



Well, that's the highlights of my Saturday, other than I slept like a big brown log that night!!! Sunday I was pretty mellow too until Mom and Dad took me for a walk and I smelled groundhogs! They are out there, I know they are. Soon I'll be changing that number up in the corner of my blog, I betcha!!

Woofs and jumpin' slobbers!
Chester

Field walkin'-the sequel to Woods Walkin' Wednesday

So there we were, having ourselves a wonderful time of walkin'. It doesn't matter to me that we've traversed these trails over and over again, I enjoy it just like it was the very first time.

Mom's been trying to keep up and show you all that happens in my life. I'm OK with that but today's post has my knickers in a twist, literally.

*I just want you to know, she used her pack leader authority on this post. If I had my way, it would forever be in my PC trash.

Chester: Really Mom, can a guy have a little privacy here?
Chester's Mom: Sorry dude, the camera was rolling and I thought it was quite a moving moment and didn't want to lose it. Notice how discreetly I used the camera angles and lighting.
Chester: Oh, Pawleeze! So what's your excuse for posting it for all the world to see?
Chester's Mom: Just like reality TV, I wanted to well, keep it real.
Chester: Ok. But just be warned, "If it's brown, it's down" and there ain't no stoppin' it.
Chester's Mom: Way to go, Ches. Perfect end to this crappy post!

Woods Walkin' Wednesday

Big Weekend with an even Bigger Surprise

Hey Gang! I am bustin' a gut here to show you the big surprise Mom had for me on Friday when she came home from work. As you might know, this coming Saturday, Mom and I are going to our first official Dock Dogs Diving event. As if just getting to go isn't going to be fun enough, Mom's friend at work came up with a logo for our team name which is:

(drum roll, please)

TEAM CRAZY AIR

When she was signing us up she didn't know we needed a team name and she didn't have one in mind. From out of nowhere the name Crazy Air came to her. I have no idea where she got the idea of "crazy" but I hafta say it works for me. What do you all think? So anyway, Abbey and Bosley's Mom (who is an extremely talented designer) came up with this cool logo for us. Mom just finished ironing it on some T-shirts.

Back of T-shirt:



Front of Mom's T-shirt:




Shhhh-she hasn't shown any of it to Dad yet. She wants to wait until she gets his T-shirt done before she shows it to him. Maybe if he likes it enough, he will play hookie from work on Saturday and go along. Let's keep our paws crossed on that one.

Chester: This weekend was super-fantabuliscious as far as I'm concerned, Mom. Well, except for that bath that Dad gave me.
Chester's Mom: You needed that son. It helps get all that loose hair out and made you all nice and shiny. Yeah, that whole five minutes before you ran thru the mud and then laid down in it, you were very shiny.
Chester: You got a problem with that?
Chester's Mom: Couldn't you at least waited until after we took you shopping?
Chester: I hate to have to be the one to tell you this, but I am a DOG. It's what we do. You can just be thankful I didn't go find some half rotten carcass to roll in.
Chester's Mom: Oh go eat your corn!
Chester: Don't mind if I do.



Chester's Mom: Oh by the way Ches, before we leave for work Monday morning, your Dad and I have another surprise for you.
Chester: Another surprise? I LOVE surprises. Life is Good!




Chester's Mom: Hold that thought!



Woofs and shiny slobbers!
Chester

Wet Wednesday